When I went down to my college for the accepted students day, one of the professors talked about how she felt like Peter Pan, she was the one who didn’t grow, who didn’t move on in this sea of students who grew past her and went above and beyond as she stayed in the same place.
I am starting school next year in a new city with new people and to tell the truth, I feel scared and I feel lost and I’m not sure what to do about it. The school that I’ve chosen was not my top choice. It was not the school that I had initially seen myself going to and it was not the area where I had pictured myself going and that makes me nervous, despite only going two hours away from my house.
And it makes me feel so ungrateful because I am so lucky and feel so privileged to be even going into secondary education, but a part of me wishes that I could do so many things over. To try harder from the beginning, to have realized earlier the caliber of people that I wanted to study with, and the list goes on and on, but ultimately, starting this new chapter in my life has also brought out something different in me.
I want to live without regrets. Now, I know it isn’t possible to live totally and completely without regrets. There are certainly things that I would go back and change if I had the opportunity, but I don’t like the notion that if I were to go back and change those things that I wouldn’t have pulled lessons from those experiences and that they wouldn’t have molded me into the person I am today.
College is going to be the next chapter for me and for that I am eternally grateful. And though there is that little piece of me that is still wishing that I could have done things differently, this is what is set out for me at least for the next year and right now, I’m going to let the wind take me and if it happens to bring me back home after the first year or to a different school, then that’s where I’m supposed to be. But for now, this works, this is good and good is great…